Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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