just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
