yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
