last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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