i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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