Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
