I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
