i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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