I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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