Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
