This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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