i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
