i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
