I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
A+ Viking dick
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
