i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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