Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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