I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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