sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
