You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
