from now on my penis is your penis
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize