Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
