Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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