Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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