Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize