i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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