why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
