so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
