The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
