You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
