Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
