you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
