She is in my trunk
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
