I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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