Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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