Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
