Christians are straight up FREAKS
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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