It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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