Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
