I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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