I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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