i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
