im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
