guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
