4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
