When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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