You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
