When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
