i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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