i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
