forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
