its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
