Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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