from now on my penis is your penis
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
