I could make wine with my vomit
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
