Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
