a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
