2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
