That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
