You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
