Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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