New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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