im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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