Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
