she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
