Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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