If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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