Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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