And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize