Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
