If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
