Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
