come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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