I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
