grandma shit on top of the toilet
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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