my phone cant type all the emotion im having
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
