it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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