Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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