There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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