Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
