Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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