Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
