Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
