is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
