Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize