Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
