This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
