So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
