my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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