i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
