I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
