Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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