How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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