i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
