Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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