I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
