She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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