those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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