Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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