please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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