this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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